Being Free to Be Yourself

Being caught up in codependency, more commonly known as people-pleasing, can control our everyday lives and decisions. The person we “play” to get people’s approval for fear of their rejection is not the person we really. And the more we play this part, the more it costs us.

I see this with those I counsel. I’ve also experienced the destructive consequences in my own life.

The good news, there IS a way out of continually trying to win approval while never being able to be yourself. And now’s the time to let the true you come out and enjoy being the person God made you.   

People-pleasing and consequences

Many of us struggle with fear of rejection which turns us into people-pleasers. We need the approval of others to feel good about ourselves. It happens when interviewing for a job, being asked out, speaking in front of others, trying to say “no” but agreeing to something you don’t agree with, and more.

We all need to be affirmed and accepted for who we are, and fear being rejected if people don’t like us. But fear of rejection can do more harm physically and emotionally than actually experiencing rejection.

I grew up with a horrible fear of rejection, and before I knew it, became a big-time people-pleaser. I had experienced rejection in my family of origin during my early years. This had a cascading effect on everything else in my life. It impacted my relationship with my parents, siblings, friends, schoolmates, church life, dating life, work, college, career, and so on. All because I wanted to fit in and be accepted above everything.

It wasn’t until I my late 40s that I realized the people-pleaser I had become due to my fear of rejection. It was destroying my health and emotional well-being by increasing stress, anxiety and depression.

People-pleasing is about identity

Thankfully I found the way out of continually trying to win approval. It also led to a healthier, happier life. It was through knowing my true identity in Christ Jesus. 

When you know your true identity, as determined by God the Father in Christ, it frees you to be yourself regardless of who accepts you or rejects you. In other words, it’s the difference between focusing on your body/soul verses focusing on who you really are in union with Christ in the Spirit. 

The latter opens the door to peace and loving yourself as God uniquely made you.

Shame and a sense of worthlessness keep many locked in a perpetual people-pleasing cycle. Because shame says, “There is something wrong with you.” But when you know your identity in Christ, and the unconditional love of God, then fear is driven out (I John 4:18a). The disapproval of others doesn’t impact who you are in Christ – nor your value and worth before God.

Therefore, begin to meditate on the truth of who you are. Start with these I AM statements found in scripture. They’re truth statements about who God says you are:

• I AM the righteousness of God in Christ.

• I AM accepted unconditionally in Christ.

• I AM loved unconditionally in Christ.

• I AM valued unconditionally in Christ.

• I AM one Spirit with Christ.

• I AM God’s masterpiece in Christ.

• I AM sufficient in Christ.

• I AM complete in Christ.

• I AM peace in Christ.

• I AM an overcomer in Christ.

Repeat these to yourself several times a day. Let them become ingrained in your memory and present thinking while releasing any past thinking that’s the opposite. By replacing lies with truth, you’ll start to see your fear subside over time, and cease the relentless cycle of people-pleasing.

Living free from people-pleasing

Begin to live free by asking the Holy Spirit to make you aware when you’re feeling the fear of rejection. Ask Him to make you aware of when you have a desire to please people rather than be yourself and enjoy your acceptance in Christ.

Awareness of how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking at any given moment is the beginning point to living free.

Every person, no matter who they are, is in union with God in Christ Jesus. Christ is the truth about me and you, which trumps our difficult history, what others may say or think, or what we’ve believed about ourselves.

You’re loved as a child of God in Christ, accepted unconditionally apart from your failures or mistakes. No amount of good works or lack thereof can change how God sees or feels about you.

He loves you. There’s never been nor will there ever be “something wrong with you.”

So rejection is off the table. You’re FREE to be…yourself!

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